Friday, April 28, 2006

Busy Friday

Howdy folks!

Just wanted to update before I went to bed. Ethan just crashed, did not even feel me lay him down. He was so good today under all the circumstances. Pauls dad is in the hospita and while Hannah was at school we went up to see him and then for groceries. It was a VERY long day. Yesterday was much of the same. I was suprised that he did so great.

Hannah is at grandmas tonight having a "movie night". Hannah called and they had already watched "Wallace and Gromit" and "Chicken Little". Sounds like she is having a great time.

I myself am going to crawl into bed in just a moment and call it a night.
Wanted to update quickly

In love and light,
THE MOM

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Wednesday update

Good news on my end!

Went to the doctor today and everything was okay. He said it was not "great" news but good news. The mass in my tummy is confirmed to be a hematoma, more then likely from my C-section and should go away on it's on. My white blood cell count is still elevated and he put me on an anti-inflamatory. The mass itself has gotten smaller in size and seems to be draining itself. Thus the cramping, pain and backaches.

So overall good news on my side. I have to see him again in August for another round of blood work and a Cat Scan. A huge scare for nothing.

Thank you Aunt Sharon for calling mom to check on me. I meant to email you last night but crashed too early. Love you for caring so much.

Thank you Adia, my sister from another mother for sending me a get well card. It is nice to get cards even if it does come from Austria. (You have to get your ass to see me girly!)

It is 7:16pm and Hannah is sitting next to me playing The Simpsons on x-box. Ethan is ready to eat... Will be back

Exactly one hour later. (Super mom)

Ethan is now in bed. THANK GOD! I love the little boy but between 7 and 8:30 is his fussy time. Drives me up the wall. A bath, ceral and pears later he is in bed sleeping soundly.

I had to giggle tonight because I said something I swore I would never say. Something my mother always said to me. The dreaded..."You need to listen, I don't just talk to her my own voice ya know". It is one of those things you swear you will never say or do. Like cleaning your kids faces with your spitty finger, licking your hand to smooth down their hair. You know things that grossed you out when your mother did it to you.

I took Hannah to school today and got the first "you mortify your kids moment". We were in the car and I was singing to a song on the radio. The conversation went a bit like this.....

"Mom... honestly you are so unpopular"
"Hannah I am the coolest girl you will ever know"
"Okay mom keep telling yourself that, just don't do that when we get close to the school. Please do not make me look dumb"

So of course, anyone who knows me I did just that. I got out of the car, hiked my pants up to my boobs and walked with a limp. She about died! The office lady was laughing and I simply said that I was 'trying' not to make a fool out of her! She is gonna love me as a teenager.

Anywho... that is pretty much my day. Now all I need to do is get Hannah to bed and have a nice cold glass of wine.

In love and light,
THE MOM

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Tuesday woes

I wanted to write earlier but I just was not able to sit down here. So here I am. Kids are in bed and I finally have a bit of time to take a breath.

I go to the doctor tomorrow. Recieved a phone call from his office yesterday afternoon stating that he wanted to see me ASAP. I asked what the news was and all the nurse said is he needs to see me now. So I have a 10:30am appointment. Doctor's offices always make you feel so great. They call you to tell you that they need to see you now, then do not tell you a thing past that. Makes you worry to death. All I can do is wait and see what will happen.

Hannah was busy all weekend long with birthday parties. Had one saturday and sunday. I am starting to become the mom taxi. Took Ethan to the doctor yesterday. He was supposed to get shots but has a touch of the flu so they waited. He is up to 13 pounds now and is just so sweet. Hannah of course is the mother hen and tells me that I do everything wrong. God love her!

All this medical stuff has really got me sort of down in the dumps. Thinking about my family, my parents, Paul and of course my babies. I can not even write what I feel in my heart or the tears will flow. Lets just say that it really makes you think about the here and now.

Deep breath... anyway I will update you tomorrow when I get back.

In love and light
THE MOM

Saturday, April 22, 2006

The list

So... a "Bossy" friend of mine said I need to fill out the same list she did!
So twist my arm already would ya?

Giggles
Here goes.....

20 years ago (or so) I...
8 years old
Loved to catch fireflies
Went camping every summer

10 years ago (or so) I.....
Was in love with my highschool sweetheart
Was engaged to be married
Had NO clue what I wanted to do with my life!

5 years ago (or so) I....
Gave birth to my daughter Hannah
Finally understood what true love really meant
Was chasing around a toddler and became a stay at home mom

1 year ago (or so) I....
Sent my daughter off to school and it broke my heart
Was deathly sick EVERY single day while pregnant with my son
Admired Paul and the husband he is

So far this past year I.....
Gave birth
Bought too much
Visited with friends I had not seen in awhile

Yesterday I...
Bought gifts for Hannahs friends birthday party
Made plans with my Dad to walk 3 times a week
Stressed over bills

Today I....
Folded about 5 loads of laundry
Go to a kids birthday party
Wrote in the kid's paper journal

Tomorrow I will....
Walk with my dad
Visit my parents
Make a big sunday dinner

In the next year I will....
Make sure my family and friends know how much I love them.
Be chasing a toddler around and dealing with a 1st grader
Take some time for "me"

BTW Jilly you were right. I do think it is the alone time that I enjoy the most. Now I need a nap!
There is your list!
Love ya girly!

In love and light
THE MOM






Friday, April 21, 2006

Morning

It is 5:30am and I have been up offically 2 hours. Ethan slept really good last night. 7 hours straight. Hannah is curled up in my bed all warm and toasty. I can hear her snoring from here.

I have never really been a morning person but I must admit I do enjoy the sunrise now. It really is such a beautiful sight. All of my life ( Before I had kids of course) I would stay up till the wee hours of the morning then sleep only about 5 hours then off to a 12 hour shift at work. Now I am lucky to get into bed before 11pm and am up every few hours with a rise time usually before 5am.

It has been beautiful here. The weather has been in the low 70's to high 60's. I love this type of weather, in fact I wish it would stay like this all year round.

Already this morning I have accomplished more then most do all day. I am running out of things to do. Although today I really need to get these cabinets cleaned. Ahhh... the joy of a stay at home mom with babies!

Anyhow... Just wanted to say good morning

In love and light,
THE MOM

Monday, April 17, 2006

Easter

The kids had such a nice time yesterday at Easter. It was nice to be able to spend time with family and eat all the good things that make your belly extra full. Of course Ethan is too little to really know what is going on but Hannah had a blast!

Both kids slept like rocks and did not want to get up this morning. Well Ethan did but I was thrilled when he slept 5 1/2 hour straight. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! Now Hannah on the other hand was a bear to get up this morning for school. I guess that is what happens when you have 4 days off.

There is so much candy in this house that it will become a bad thing if I keep looking at it!

I just wanted to update before I head off to bed.

Happy Easter to everyone!

In love and light
THE MOM

Friday, April 14, 2006

Don't know much

Well I know my last post was a bit on the "down" side. I went to the doctor and really do not know anything else. Just that there is a mass and he seems to think that it is a hematoma. I have more blood work and another Catscan thursday.

The kids are doing well. Hannah was off school today so all of us went outside a bit before the storms rolled in. She went to bed with a bit of a tummy ache so hopefully she wakes up tomorrow feeling better. Ethan is doing well. He is starting to giggle and laugh which is loads of fun.

All these medical scares really have me thinking about these two babies. I would just melt if there was something really wrong and I had to go through drastic measures. I of course know there is not, but it still gets you thinking about life and how quickly they grow up. It is amazing to me that Hannah is already going to start the 1st grade. It seems just like yesterday she was in her highchair smiling at me and I could not wait for her to walk and talk. Now I just can not get her to be quiet!

When I look at Ethan I know that soon he will be doing the same things and before long he too will be growing up faster then I can keep up with. I know that there will never be enough pictures, videotape or journals to keep track of their every move. Who honestly has time to keep every minute of their life documented? If we did that then we would be missing out on everything about them.

I really think that there is no greater gift then being a mother. It is exhausting, hard, emotional and most of all loving.

The kids are both asleep now and I suppose I too should retire to bed. I always sit here this time of night with a fight. Do I go to sleep and grab the most time I possibly can or do I just enjoy the quiet house and the small amount of time I get for myself?

Perhaps I will do a bit of both.

In love and light
THE MOM

Monday, April 10, 2006

A bit of a scare

Yesterday was not the best day ever.
I was on my way to the dollar store with Hannah to pick up some Easter decorations that I promised to her if she cleaned her room. I had almost made it to my moms and started getting this severe pain in the left half of my tummy. When I say severe I mean to the point that I did not think I could make it in the car. I made it to my moms thankfully and she had to call an ambulance.

When at the ER they did blood work and a Catscan. The scan showed that there is a fluid filled mass. The doctor said either it is a mass of infection or a hematoma filled with blood. My white blood cell count was greatly elevated to 15,000. I see my OBGYN on wednesday but I can not help but worry to death. Hopefully it is something minor and can be fixed with simple medicine.

Even through drug free childbirth the first time and a C section the 2nd I have never been in such pain. It was something that I have NEVER felt before. Today the severe pain is absent but it is very sore.

Keep your fingers crossed for me.

On a much happier note....

Today was the first time that Ethan had been outside to "play". He loved it even if he kept falling asleep from the breeze. Hannah spent about 5 hours outside tonight just enjoying the fresh spring air. They are both so funny.

Both kids are asleep now... Thank goodness and I too am on my way to bed. The house is quiet and I hear Hannah snoring away!

Goodnight to everyone!
In love and light,
THE MOM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

No rest for the weary

First off let me say I love my son.
Second let me say I would give my right arm for sleep.
Third let me say if he poops one more time I may kill myself!

Giggles

The night before he slept 5 hours straight. Of course that was a night I was unable to sleep. Last night all I wanted to do was sleep and he didn't. I can not win for losing!

Today Hannah and I are going to go get decorations for Easter. I promised her this weekend we would and I was hoping to go yesterday but we never quite got there. I told her that if she cleaned her room we would go. Of course *I* cleaned her room and we are still going. I am such a push over!

Well I just wanted to update while drinking my morning coffee.

Until Later

Love.
THE MOM

Friday, April 07, 2006

A mom

Being a mom is about the hardest and the most rewarding job anyone can ever have. I do not wear a power suit or carry a briefcase. I do not adorn heels or put nylons on everyday. In fact I am lucky to wash the soap out of my hair before someone is calling my name. Or eat a meal sitting down. It isn't until I hold my baby or laugh at a joke my growing daughter makes that I step outside myself and realize how blessed I am.

I used to take a hot bath with candles and bubbles. Now I bathe with two little ones first and pray that the water heater still is producing warm water. I used to smell like a woman and now I smell of crayons, baby spit up and elementary schools. The thing is that I could not be happier. I laughed the other day remembering when I was simply "Holly". Now I am a grunt called out from Ethan, Mommy or Hannahs mom.

It is amazing to me how quickly time flies by. I can remember when I first held Hannah and would have never imagined that I would be holding another. I remember when she started to walk and now she is starting her journey in school and finding herself. I think all of the time how I will explain to her the importance of finding herself. The truthfulness inside of her heart. Not what others think she should be. How will I teach her the importance of accepting her own body no matter what flaws it has? No matter what society labels as beautiful when it was not until I hit my early 20's that I looked in the mirror and thought "This is me and I like that". How will I handle her first heartbreak? When Ethan falls in love with a woman that clearly is not what he needs. How will I handle the breaking of curfews and smartmouths? When "I hate you mom" outweighs the conversation far more then "I love you"?

Thinking about it really makes me pull my own my closer then I ever thought I would. Will I become Hannah's best friend the way my mom is mine? Will my teachings be enough? My teachings of family values and the importance of sticking together really get through to them?

There is nothing like the smile of a child. The cuddle when you need it. The little hand that pats your back when you have the roughest day known to man. There is nothing like a kiss goodbye in the morning before school or a wam little body next to yours in the middle of the night. Knowing that there is always someone there. Someone is always thinking of you and needing you. I know someday they won't need me as much, but I will always be there.
Loving them
Accepting them
Needing them.

They are a part of me.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

First entry

Writing to make sure everything is working the way it should.